Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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