i don't plan on having that self control this summer
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize