I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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