Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
