Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
