Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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