Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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