it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
