it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
