i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
