who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
