Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
