how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
