420 ftw
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
