i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
