I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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