Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
