If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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