Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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