I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
