so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
