Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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