I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
