She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize