i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
