Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
