i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
