hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
