just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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