I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
