I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
