I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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