You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
