Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
