he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
