don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
