Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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