I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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