a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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