in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
