matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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