Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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