Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
