Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Church boner. Awkwardddd
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
