I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
How's work?
Spinning.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
