He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize