May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
FUCK WHALES
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
