Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
