I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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