Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
