i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
