grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
