i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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