i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
