Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
