Yo dont text me then not text me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize