You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Your penis caused this!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize