NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize