he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
