I murdered the dance floor call the cops
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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