why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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