apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
