i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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