overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She even gives head with a lisp.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
