3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize