believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I need to calm my uterus...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
