she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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