she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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